Celebration - canceled

Steve's 40th birthday is coming up.

It's bittersweet.

I want to celebrate this milestone birthday with him and do something special. 

But he doesn't deserve it. 

There's no sugarcoating it.

But, because I'm stupid, or because I feel bad for him. Or because I don't want other people who don't know our story, to think I'm a horrible wife for doing NOTHING for him.

I mean, he took me on a surprise trip to NYC after all. 

Right?

Wrong.

He spent money we didn't have to take me on an extravagant trip.

Continuing to dig us into financial hardship.

So no, he does not deserve this trip.

Which is why I bought trip insurance. 

Just in case I wanted to cancel.

But then I got a new job.

A freaking life-changing job.

A job I should be proud of and a job that should be celebrated. 

So we're going on a really small trip.

It's only 2 hours away and it's only for 2 days.

Because he may not deserve this trip.

But I certainly do. 

Home

Welp. 

Mr. Wiggles was officially adopted.

I'm so happy for him!

And I'm also sad.

It was a lot of work having 4 dogs.

And getting him used to being a dog...it's a lot to juggle. And he was the bestest boy!

Saturday was his home visit/meet and greet with a family with 4 little kids.

They seemed like a completely normal family.

They are familiar with the breed and the mom grew up with them and they had one who past away a couple of years ago at the ripe old age of 16.

I knew he'd be loved.

They had a fenced-in backyard, which is ideal for him. 

I cried because he was confused - of course. And crawled into my lap for security.

One of the little boys brought over his blanket for him and covered him up. 😭 Like come on.

They loved him immediately.

As they were filling out the contract and all that, I got so sad.

He was looking at me and going to the front door, like "ok, I'm ready to go!"

I chatted with him as I sat on the floor and told him that he was going to have the best life. 

That they loved him so much already. 

I cried as we finished up the paperwork.

And then I had to basically run out of their house so I didn't break down in front of their kids. Lol. 

What a mess.

I texted the mom later that evening to check in.

I think he will be very happy there!

That doesn't mean I won't miss him.

It's super quiet in the house now, funny as that might sound.

He used to yell at me while I was prepping their food bowls, his chatter, and whining. 

And that corner of our foyer that he occupied...now an empty space. 

But now I have room for another foster. 

It might be a while though, as I start my new job (yeah, more on that later!) and settle in.

Home Visit for Mr. Wiggles

I think I mentioned in a previous post that Mr. Wiggles has a home visit this weekend.

I'm a little sad, to be honest.

I've gotten used to the little guy.

We've figured out our routine and he's settling in nicely.

I've allowed him to explore the house more and he loves it. He and Wiener Bean are just the cutest together. 

I think he will settle into a new family just fine. 

But I'll miss him.

I needed a spot to park him while I was busy in the kitchen

This boy 💕

THIS 💕

I'm hoping this family works out.

Even after putting his profile on hold, I received another 4 applications for him.

This family seems like the best fit - from what I can read. And they are only 20 minutes from me. A few families who applied are up to 2 hours away. 

The family lives in a nice neighborhood (yay Google Maps) with a 6ft privacy fence, which is definitely needed. 

3 Small kids. 

Stay-at-home mom.

Dad works out of the home. 

He won't be left home alone often.

Fingers crossed it all works out! I think he's ready to find his forever family. 

Ski Club 2023

This is Mila's second year doing Ski Club and Ava's second year tagging along.

They both tried skis for the very first time at age 3 and now they are doing great! I'm really proud of them and how much they've learned in the last couple of years. 

Mila is at the age that she can hang with her friends and ski without Steve or anyone. Just one other partner is required just in case.

Ava is working on slowing down and stopping. Steve said she is much stronger this year and can hold her own a little better.

Mila had to upgrade her boots since her feet are growing so crazy fast.

 

So fancy

Safety first!

This is so cool - the webcam at Bristol Mountain. The two skiers on the left coming down the hill are Mila and Ava and Steve is dead center. 

I'm super pumped that they have this winter activity. I never learned as a child and it's much harder as an adult. I've been out several times over the course of being with Steve, but I've never been good at it. I've tolerated it.

Steve loves it and I'm glad they have a thing they all do together. 

Mr. Popular

We listed Mr. Wiggles on Petfinder one day ago and I have already received like 10 applications for this sweet boy.

I have to admit, even though I KNOW that we cannot keep him, I immediately didn't think anyone would be good enough for this guy. I got a little sad, too. 

I didn't even read the applications and was like "ugh - they better be good people" like I'm already defensive for some reason.

He's grown on me for sure. 

He's such a sweet boy.

But, I know finding him the right forever home is the goal and that will also make room for any other foster who may need to get rescued. Me finding him a home means another puppy mill dog can get out of their miserable situation.

Out of the first 4 that I received overnight, 3 were worth reaching out to. The last one used an electric fence and I do not want this poor boy to be shocked in any way. I think that would traumatize him. 

He's still getting used to a leash for fuck's sake. A shock to the neck? On this little wiener? No ma'am.

There is one family who coincidentally lives only about 20 minutes from me and they seem like a good fit. Young family, 3 kids. No current pets but had a wiener who they had to let go a few years ago due to old age. So they know the breed.

They have a 6ft vinyl fence, so that's perfect. 

I have scheduled a meet and greet for this Saturday and fingers crossed it works out!

I reached out to the rescue so I understood next steps. 

They actually put a hold on his application on Petfinder because he's getting so much traffic. 

After the 4 from earlier this morning, I think another 5-6 came through. I'm weeding through those as well.

There are two other families that might work out if this first one does not.

I'm glad he's getting so much interest! This makes me confident that he'll find a home and that he'll find the right home. I'm glad I get to choose for him. 💗

Plus, they are local so I could always drop by and pay him a visit. 

Anyway. 

Fostering is definitely rewarding. 

Watching this little guy come out of his shell and run and play and wag his tail....it means everything.

It'll be hard to part with him, that's for sure. 

Constantly moving lol. But so cute together! 

Mr. Wiggles - Foster #2

We all know what happened with Ween Bean.

My very first foster and my first foster fail.

Stop it. She's my heart. 

That being said, I always wanted to help dogs - those who needed help and I always thought I could do it.

We have the space, I have the time. I love dogs. 

It made sense.

But having 3 dogs is a lot of work.

We've had Ween for about 6 months now and we have found our routine. She's the best little dog! 

She does shit and piss in the house from time to time and that's super frustrating. But I'm trying to have patience with her and just go with the flow. We'll be replacing our area rugs when she's finally potty trained. It's usually my fault anyway since I need to take her out every few hours. 

That being said, I get notifications from the rescue group I'm a part of. Frequently, I don't reply or anything. I have 3 dogs you know.

But I was tagged because it was another wiener. 

A 1.5 year old mini coming from a puppy mill.

He is the sweetest guy.

As expected, he's very shy and timid. He's getting used to noise and people. He will need a patient family who is willing to work on his confidence. 

He's doing great in his crate and going potty outside (it's easiest when I carry him out). Once he's out he loves running around! 

We are still working on walking on a leash and not freaking out when there's tension. He's making slow but sure progress. 

But, since he's young and based on his temperament so far, I really think he will do well in a family soon.

He's been learning how to dog since December 28 - so about 2 weeks now. 

Since I'm trying to be busy for my birthday weekend, I'm really trying to find him a home before then. 

He was just neutered last week and is resting and recovering. Although he does not act like he's bothered in the slightest that his balls just got chopped off. 

So, I've written a little bio about him and sent it off to the rescue group, along with some cute photos.

He's a sweet little guy and I'll miss him! 

BUH-BYE 2022

I, for one, am happy to see 2022 come to an end.

I mean, we had some super happy moments. 

But it ended on a pretty bad note. 

The last 4 months of 2022 are months I don't wish on anyone.

It was so bad that all the happy memories made this year seem like a scam, unfortunately. 

As the mom, I'm "taking one for the team" so that means that I'll take the brunt of it so that my kids will not feel one ounce of what I'm feeling. 

I recently came across this saying "I saved your reputation by not telling my side of the story...stay humble" and it's never been more true.

Yes, we're making progress.

But it's slow, unsteady, and incredibly frustrating.

I'm just so ready to be OFF this crazy emotional rollercoaster I've been on. 

I'm ready to close out this year and start fresh.

I'm ready to reset my priorities and put things in perspective. 

But it's hard.

I still don't know what I'm supposed to do. 

I know what the "pre-damaged" Lesley would do. I think. 

But that person is long gone. 

So, here I am.

Taking it day by day. 

Day by day, by day, by day. By day. (Anyone know what movie that's from??) lol

But on the serious side, that's the only thing I can do, really, right? Just take things day by day? 

I can't even think about what next week will bring.

Sometimes things are great and it feels "normal" but other times, there's a stark divide in the house and it feels so weird. Little things become big. 

I told him that when I stop caring...is when he should worry. 

I told him he's fucking lucky as hell I love him as much as I do.

So with this new year, I'm hopeful. 

There may be exciting things on the horizon. 

So many random things have happened to me over the past 3-4 months, and it really puts things in perspective for me.

I've dealt with an incredible amount of trauma this year.

And at the same time, weird opportunities or things are happening that make me feel like I can do anything. 

What a fucking rollercoaster. 

Two totally different ends of the spectrum here. 

Accomplished. Successful. (Professionally)

Defeated. Lost. Broken. (Personally)

Fuck.

But that's what 2023 will be about. Finding myself again and figuring out what I'm going to do. 

I can see good things ahead. I really can. 

💜