BUH-BYE 2022

I, for one, am happy to see 2022 come to an end.

I mean, we had some super happy moments. 

But it ended on a pretty bad note. 

The last 4 months of 2022 are months I don't wish on anyone.

It was so bad that all the happy memories made this year seem like a scam, unfortunately. 

As the mom, I'm "taking one for the team" so that means that I'll take the brunt of it so that my kids will not feel one ounce of what I'm feeling. 

I recently came across this saying "I saved your reputation by not telling my side of the story...stay humble" and it's never been more true.

Yes, we're making progress.

But it's slow, unsteady, and incredibly frustrating.

I'm just so ready to be OFF this crazy emotional rollercoaster I've been on. 

I'm ready to close out this year and start fresh.

I'm ready to reset my priorities and put things in perspective. 

But it's hard.

I still don't know what I'm supposed to do. 

I know what the "pre-damaged" Lesley would do. I think. 

But that person is long gone. 

So, here I am.

Taking it day by day. 

Day by day, by day, by day. By day. (Anyone know what movie that's from??) lol

But on the serious side, that's the only thing I can do, really, right? Just take things day by day? 

I can't even think about what next week will bring.

Sometimes things are great and it feels "normal" but other times, there's a stark divide in the house and it feels so weird. Little things become big. 

I told him that when I stop caring...is when he should worry. 

I told him he's fucking lucky as hell I love him as much as I do.

So with this new year, I'm hopeful. 

There may be exciting things on the horizon. 

So many random things have happened to me over the past 3-4 months, and it really puts things in perspective for me.

I've dealt with an incredible amount of trauma this year.

And at the same time, weird opportunities or things are happening that make me feel like I can do anything. 

What a fucking rollercoaster. 

Two totally different ends of the spectrum here. 

Accomplished. Successful. (Professionally)

Defeated. Lost. Broken. (Personally)

Fuck.

But that's what 2023 will be about. Finding myself again and figuring out what I'm going to do. 

I can see good things ahead. I really can. 

💜