Like, I'm thisclose to calling 911 all day long.
It's been ROUGH.
I feel absolutely, 100% terrible for Steve. He's in SO much pain and is just simply suffering.
All day long. With very little relief.
He ran out of meds Monday and went until Tuesday at 6pm before he got them refilled.
He hasn't been able to recover again from that day without any medication in his system.
He had his Pre-Op appointment Wednesday morning at 8am. He had planned to go himself.
But, after Monday and Tuesday we pretty much knew that wasn't going to be possible.
So I got my ass up at 7am, got the girls out of bed and in the truck and got him to his appointment.
Breakfast in the car - dry cereal, a banana and water. We also started watching Honey I Shrunk the Kids while we wait in the parking lot for Steve during his appt.
And man, I'm telling ya. We almost didn't make it.
He rode in the truck, in the passenger seat, facing backwards, kneeling over the back of the seat.
We've been just managing the best we can in our current situation.
This is the position he has been in since Monday (it is Wednesday night at 10pm right now as I type this)
This is how we home school. And work. This is literally my life right now. Steve was attempting to do math with Mila while I was on a call and I could hear the frustration in his voice. So I was able to take a break and focus on my girl and get her through 3 assignments and 2 quizzes.
I'm desperately trying to hold on.
I'm trying to keep things in perspective.
Steve will get better.
He will get fixed.
This is fixable.
As much as I try to remind myself of this DAILY. Sometimes HOURLY, I sometimes slump into a funk. I will catch myself crying as I brush my teeth. Or as I'm putting on socks. Or taking out the trash. Whatever. I try REALLY hard not to cry in front of the girls OR Steve just because I don't want them to feel bad. It's not anyone's fault and we just need to get through it.
But it's fucking hard you guys.
I am literally juggling 2 kids, one man, two dogs, two skinny pigs and 40 chickens.
Alone.
Like, ALL ALONE.
Cooking.
Cleaning.
Feeding.
Picking up after.
Working full time.
Conference calls.
ACTUAL WORK (proposals, timelines, estimates, communication with clients, vendors and teammates)
Making lunches for the girls' school days.
Making sure homework and school papers are complete and in back packs.
Doing the bedtime routine.
Doing the morning routine.
Being mommy and snuggling with my babies.
Not to mention neither of us are sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time. So on top of it all, I'm super crabby.
My heart goes out to caregivers who do this on the daily, for any length of time.
I've been doing it for 12 days and it's just plain exhausting.
Now let me be clear - I'm not exactly complaining. I'm just saying what's fact.
It's my responsibility to do it.
I wouldn't want anyone else to do it.
I do it because I love him and my family and I'll do what I need to do to keep us afloat.
6 days until The Surgery.
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